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Ian Reacts To: "Dear X Haters"
Ian: Hello guys, my name is Ian, and today we're reacting to Jacob's song "Dear X Haters". But I've got some friends with me to help. Say hi, Kyle and Richard! Kyle and Richard: Hello. Ian: Let's go! We should make a song about X haters. Kyle: This is gonna be a rollercoaster. Sure, lets go diss them hard! Richard: I've got the aloe vera ready. No! We should probably go nice and easy. Kinda like a flow with Frank Ocean or Kanye West. Ian: 10/10 pun, that is. Okay. Lets start recording. Richard: So you're saying the intro was not recorded? Ian: Maybe! Bad luck can talk... on the road... Kyle: But not on the asphalt. But when that road dies... you can't just hold on... Richard: Fucking hell, someone needs English classes. Especially to the haters... in their sick-ass mode... Ian: I'd hardly call three teenagers "sick-ass", but okay. Gotta clean the road still... if you still wish upon... the stars... Kyle: When you wish upon a star... Ian: Nothing happens. In cool mode... up on Mars... Ian: We're in New Jersey! Dedrick was savage! Trayvon was a monster! Richard: They got 11-kill streaks in League of Legends! That's why they got Michael along with Robert! Kyle: They only got 7-kill streaks, but they did it in Madden! Ian slaps Kyle Ian: Dude, that's not funny! They got their choppas! And then they lost their daughters! Richard: I think it's time for the aloe vera. That why we were shocked! When X got hurt! And then he passed! Kyle: So you were shocked because there were four people at the scene of the crime. Ian: Would you have been shocked to know the details about Kitty Genovese's murder? Some people were monsters! They started raiding fast! Richard: They had that Minecraft thug life! That's why I'm singing this to tell you the truth! Kyle: The truth that X beat two people? Better skills than Ruth! Gotta educate the youth! Ian: They were Randy Maris level! So they grow up happy! And they don't get snappy! Richard: That's literally the antithesis of SoundCloud rap. That plan is now ruined, all because of 4 men! Kyle: Men whom saw X changing clothes, but weren't beaten! They didn't have chill, man! And they now are in prison! Ian: They physically were unable to express that mood. Children please listen! X didn't mean to beat his girlfriend! Richard (in mocking X voice): Oh, sorry babe, I didn't mean to drop that metal bat on your head! Kyle (in same voice): And i didn't mean to hold the hanger tight around your neck, oh dearie me, no! There was no proof! The county felt sorry! And they dropped the charges! Ian: Do you realize that X's charges were dropped because he got killed? There was plenty of proof. But then people got margins! And they raiding the funeral! Richard: They got copies of Marginal Man's albums! Don't know numerals! Cause they don't their damage! Kyle: Arabic or Roman? Ian: "They do not their damage". They be psycho, they be wild! They got no chill! Richard: They're totally tubular, dude! They gotta be still! Just until, we find out the truth. Kyle: They must physically remain in one place. And then you can stay silence. Just don't go crazy! Ian: I can stay silence? Okay! Destroy the mural! And now I gotta be in the rural! Richard (singing): I WANT A! SUBURBAN HOME! SUBURBAN HOME! Kyle (also singing): I DON'T WANT NO HIPPIE PAD! I WANT A HOUSE JUST LIKE MOM AND DAD! Because of you, I can't listen to him in peace! Ian: Luckily they invented headphones! Now we lost Lil Peep! Now we can't take this deal anymore! Richard: They're gonna go for Little T next! Ian: Can't they at least go for Smithy Boy? People are killing themselves! But they don't have a heart anymore! Kyle: Or a brain, for that matter. Gonna take my life? I don't think so! Ian: We're three people under the age of 18, what do you expect? I got help! And they need help as well! Richard: Like I need a gaping head wound. Cause the X haters are wild! You people do realize X was generous! Ian: Yeah, he was generous with the amount of times he hit Geneva with the bat! He was wild when it came to donating! He helped children! Kyle: He helped children lose IQ by listening to him! He helped the poor! He helped the survivors in Parkland! Richard: Yeah, he helped the poor people who put up with this shit! You in the harsh lands! You need some therapy, man! Ian: Already have some. Richard: Same here. Kyle: Valium works for me. Cause you think that X is a abusers! Ian: We don't think he's an abuser, we know he's an abuser. X is a monster! X is a pimp! But he was like Jesus! Kyle: I'm an atheist but that's an insult to Jesus Christ. X was great! X was friendly! X was helpful! Richard: What's next? "X was godly"? X was amazing! X was happy! X was talented! Ian: Oh yeah, because "I took a white bitch to Starbucks/That little bitch got her throat fucked" or "Know to be-face the fake fuck, aight" is on par with the Beatles. Yo... that sounded amazing! Kyle: It only sounds amazing on Valium. Richard: What's with you and Valium? I know! How many haters do you think are gonna be changed after this? Ian: None in my group of friends! 1 if lucky! Kyle: At least they're honest! But anyway, lets go get this in the world. Richard: I don't know what you're talking about. Category:Fanfic Category:Kid Reacts